i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
