I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
