I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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