It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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