Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
