This is not my ceiling
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
