Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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