You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
