ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
