is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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