Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
