he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
