You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
