When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
