Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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