That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
