Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
