i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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