Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
