don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
