omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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