He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
