So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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