ADVERTISEMENT

• (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

  Fav 55 6056 1340

  share tweet
  

• (478): View more from Georgia

  I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?

  Fav 23 3694 1123

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself

  Fav 66 7097 1507

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.

  Fav 8 6136 1762

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.

  Fav 15 7753 1544

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?

  Fav 17 6105 1260

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (817): View more from Texas

  I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.

  Fav 4 1407 778

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Wine is not your friend.

  Fav 7 923 1697

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?

  Fav 5 1577 768

  share tweet
  

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...

  Fav 2 536 832

  share tweet
  

• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...

  Fav 5 1371 695

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (561): View more from Florida

  When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem

  (850): View more from Florida

  #reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder

  Fav 2 735 546

  share tweet
  

• (785): View more from Kansas

  Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process

  Fav 4 770 506

  share tweet
  

• (224): View more from Illinois

  It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.

  Fav 1 30 46

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.

  Fav 0 45 4

  share tweet
  

Randomize