This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
