Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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