Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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