I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
