Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
