She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
