so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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