I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
