Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
