My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
