I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
