my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
