Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
