It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
