Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
