I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
