So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
