I wish I could teleport
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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