if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
