I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
