Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
