I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
