Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
