the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
