Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
