I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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